How do people get to know one another? Most of the time, it is thousands of observations, hundreds of questions and a few confessions. This is my attempt, in the light of the time and space that divides us, to reverse the process; there will be few if any observations, some anticipated questions answered, but mostly my confessions.

Let's start at the beginning; I was a spoiled, only, child for seven years until my baby brother came along. It was too late; no child can forget all the attention and focus that comes from being the one and only for more than five years; it produces an unchangeable casting of self-importance and power. I just expected others to see and treat me as my parents did; when I spoke, I expected others to give me that same attention. At first, it was not a big problem. I got in a few fights; learned I couldn't win that way and sought other ways. I found it's not that hard for kids to play and have fun together, I did.

I think my first real problem began when I entered ninth grade. I remember standing by my locker as a nobody; no one was paying any attention to me. It seemed to me everyone was paying all their homage to those big guys wearing athletic sweaters and jackets with strips on their sleeves. I needed to get into sports. Being a small school, there was room for me on the baseball team. I even got to play a little if we were far enough ahead or behind in the score. I played enough, or the coach pitied me enough, to earn my first letter as a freshman. I didn't wear that letter a lot. It was not enough. I had not made the basketball team that first year but I worked as much as 8 hours many days during summer vacation just shooting, shooting, shooting. I didn't just want another letter; I wanted the attention and cheers of the whole student body every time I scored. Then came a great disappointment. All of those cheers didn't fill the emptiness I still felt. I continued playing baseball and basketball, even one year of football, but the success I achieved as a sophomore killed my passion for sports. I "sorta" liked sports but I wanted more attention than just that.

Maybe girls were the answer but I had a problem. My parents would just not give me the freedom I needed. By the time I finally had that freedom, a car, I was far behind. My answer to that was the Jag Club. One day, I said something really stupid to one of my teachers and got into some trouble over it. Someone called me a Jag. From then on, everyone who stood up against authority at school became a member of the Jag Club. We had a Jag Car with all the members names painted on it. Girls who wanted to join could be honorary members by helping us with tests or home work. I had more attention all right but ... With all my seeming success and the attention it got for me, I still was not content, happy.

I guessed it was time to get serious, pull enough grades to get that scholarship to college and make it in the real world. My first year at Michigan Tech (that was the only scholarship I could get) was OK but there were no girls. My second year was at Texas A&I, (now part of Texas A&M). Since math and physics had become my favorite subjects, I felt it was time to transfer to the University of Michigan, switch to Physics and find out how this world really got here. I wanted to be working on something big. I began referring to God as the Cosmic Force and saw myself advancing my new god, science. It didn't take long, one class in Light, and I was convinced that Physics didn't have the answers I was looking for either. I lost interest in Physics and became a "beatnik;" I got into music and art. I also flunked Russian and was out of school.

No problem! I soon had a job at Chrysler Engineering. I scored high enough on their application test that they gave me my choice of two jobs plus paid time off to finish my degree in engineering at Chrysler Tech. (I have been to more schools) I got that job in the spring. By winter, I was leaving again and back in school. This time however there was a new peace and contentment in my life. That was in 1959. That peace and contentment has never left me.

What had happened? I hope that's what you're asking. Labor day, 1959, about 7 a.m. in the morning, I was sitting on a sand dune at Lake Michigan. I was miserable. Why was I born? Couldn't I just go to sleep and never wake up? What was life supposed to be? How did I fit in? As I sat there, I began to notice that I could time the waves with my eyes closed. Why could I do that? Was there an order to the universe? I began to look around and remember thinking, "this is beautiful, the sky, the water, the forest, but why is it beautiful?" Maybe God made it beautiful and made me in such a way that I responded to beauty. Then my mind went back to Detroit and I saw garbage and broken glass on streets. God didn't make that very beautiful.

Then something happened. A light went on in my mind. I saw a time when Detroit was just as beautiful as this. When? Before man arrived there. Man was the problem. Just like me, all mankind was in a race to get its own way; the more times it fails, like me, the more desperate and selfish its efforts even to hurting those who stand in the way. I imagine this, now, as if I was in a dark cloud. That cloud was my own selfishness. I was tired of it. I had never nor have ever seen myself as ugly and worthless as I did that moment. I cried. I prayed, not to a cosmic force, but to God, a person who created the universe and created me and had a better purpose for my life than I had found. "God, forgive me for all my selfish sins. Change me into the person you created me to be. From now on I want to live for you, not me." I doubt those were the exact words but they convey the gist. When I finished that prayer, I felt that dark cloud lift off my back. I had not realized how heavy it was. I felt so light, so free, so content. I found a Bible and spent the rest of the day reading I Corinthians 1, 2, and 3. It seemed like all of my questions were being answered.

This is getting longer than I expected. Do you want to go on? I'm going to take a break. Be back soon.